 |
|
Jon was hatched on a farm in Kent and has stayed there ever since, in between mucking out horses and inspecting cow's rear ends he was a fairly average, fairly naughty, fairly crap schoolboy, regularly in trouble for squirting fountains at dinner ladies, running through the magic garden, pushing other kids in the pond, fighting and other such lovable scamp type stuff. He developed a love for football and sports which would stay with him for years, and he also fondly remembers school trips to Bude adventure camp;
"It looked like Fawlty Towers and they'd get you up at 7 each day to run along the beach. They'd make us do wheelbarrow races and every time you knew that whoever was holding your legs would eventually run too fast and drive your face straight into the sand."
He briefly attempted to learn the trumpet and got thrown in at the deep end appearing as part of an orchestra before he had learned any notes, showing a fine sense of innovation Jon broke the trumpet during the first interval and had to go home, he never played again.
Time passed until the 6th form where he got to meet Neil Jordan and Dave Smith, and commit the infamous poisoning of Nicola "mouldy" Mulder;
"She was a pain, she was always lairy, one day she pissed me right off so I kicked her. She grassed, so I put washing up liquid in her drink, she didn't notice and so her and her mate Emma Handy drank the lot and ended up having to go to hospital."
He met Ben Seaman through football and social gatherings at the flat of his then girlfriend's brother. Jon had found some success in football, winning the league and the manager's player award, then the team disbanded after an on pitch battle which resulted in two team mates jumping on someone's leg and breaking it, the team was thrown out of the league. Jon moved to another club winning the league again, and manager's and player's player for the season, then Seaman convinced him to move to "the best team in Sittingbourne"; The Prince Alfred;
"It was horrible, they were so shit we just cussed them the whole time, I tried to introduce the offside trap and this one geezer just couldn't understand it, I'd say move up, he'd run back, I'd say run back, he'd move up, I hated it."
Salvation came in the form of Steve Piper's (who he had met through mutual friends) first house. Jon, Smith, and Seaman made it a home from home. Every Sunday morning Seaman would wake Jon up to go and play football, only to be told to fuck off. It was this same merry band, with the addition of Mark Mannell that spent the evening contained in Her Majesty's finest holding cells after going a bit far celebrating Jon's 21st.
He moved on to travel agency employment in London, which liquidated along with most of the industry after the September 11th atrocity, and has moved on to work for some kind of stockbroking company and hasn't made himself terribly clear as to what it is he's doing there, possibly planning on bringing down the establishment from within.
In the last few years Jon has been developing a passion for snowboarding, taking in France, Canada, Bulgaria and most recently, Italy, although due to a distinct lack of snow, snowboarding bacame less of a priority;
"We were out getting pissed up one of the mountains and I came across this Skipaway bin, dragged it to the top, jumped on it, and started my way down. I sort of started to lose my bottle though, and bailed off, but the bin carried on, smashed into the front of some blokes car, bounced off and continued down the hill and round the corner towards the main high street. We all legged it at that point, but you could hear it battering around and breaking shit for about two minutes after."
He plans to go again later this year; look out anywhere with snow. Jon's other main occupation is destroying his own cars; starting his driving life with a Nova SR, Jon soon beat it into submission and sold it for £20, next was an Orion 1.6 (bought for £3000, sold for £150), and most recently an Astra SXi costing just under £12000 has made it's home on his drive, expect that value to diminish to double figures sometime in the next year.
Close this window
Go to Coffee Films front page
All content ©2007 Coffee Arts and Media Ltd; copyright and privacy details